Finding Grief in Queer Places
The ‘Fab Five’ explore grief frequently throughout Queer Eye. Photo via Bronson Farr/Netflix
I recently finished watching the ninth season of the Netflix series, Queer Eye. Do you watch it? I love it. I love it because it is a show filled with love. And surprisingly with grief. And even more surprisingly, that grief is met with love.
For those not familiar with it, Queer Eye is a reality show that sees the ‘Fab Five’ (five individuals who are all part of the LGBTQI+ community) meet one ‘hero’ per episode. The Fab Five have one week to transform the hero’s life. Tan France does fashion, Antoni Porowski takes on food, Jonathan van Ness does grooming, Karamo Brown tackles culture, and Jeremiah Brent – new this season – redesigns their space, be it a home, a workplace, or even a public space.
For those of you who do follow it, I was hesitant about this season because of Jeremiah, the new design person. I felt somewhat attached to Bobby Berk, who did the design for the first eight seasons. The addition of Jeremiah has been seamless, however, and even refreshed the show to some extent. All the other cast members have talked in interviews about the joy of seeing what they have been doing for so long through the fresh eyes of a new member of the Fab Five.
What does any of this have to do with grief? Everything. I recently published, with my colleague David K Wright, an article about grief in the first seven seasons of Queer Eye. In this scholarly article, we evaluate how well the Fab Five deal with grief (spoiler: they do so pretty well!), and we identify a few ways we thought they could do better. (Even if you are not usually keen on academic articles or find they are all behind paywalls, please click the link and give it a try!)
In viewing the latest season, I found myself once again watching for how the Fab Five deal with grief. There are a couple of really good examples of heros whose stories involve dealing with grief. One exchange in particular got me thinking. Towards the end of an episode, the Fab Five are sitting together discussing the hero they have just helped. That hero was living in his late father’s house and was described by those who nominated him to be on Queer Eye as ‘living in his father’s shadow.’
Antoni says: “With grief, moving on is almost a way of honoring the departed. You’re kind of telling them…”
Tan interrupts to complete the sentence: “…it’s okay.”
Antoni sums it up: “You’re going to be okay.”
Typically, I am not fond of the idea that we ‘move on in grief.’ As a guest on a recent CBC call-in show, I questioned the use of that term. Nora McInerny has a wonderful TED Talk called “We don't ‘move on’ from grief. We move forward with it”.
And yet, in the loving context that Queer Eye provides, this phrase sat well with me. I enjoy having my ideas challenged, especially when it comes in unexpected places. I invite you to watch Queer Eye on Netflix. Maybe you too will find your own ideas being challenged.
